9 B's for Moving from Potentiality to Actuality


The ginger ale tasted sweet and bubbly and blended perfectly with my salty peanuts. On my morning flight I sat in the aisle seat and began thinking about “big picture” ideas. I even said a little prayer for a new revelation on human transformation.

What came to me came quickly, and I wrote as fast as I could. The idea that began to unfold in my mind is this concept of Becoming.

Becoming is the process of coming to be, of passing into a new state of being. It is the craft of transformation, the technique of moving from potentiality to actuality. It is the human story of journey and change, of co-creation and identity formation. Who do you want to become in this life?

9 b's for moving from potentiality to actuality - belong magazine blog

We are not merely dust blowing in the wind. We are powerful conscious beings made of seawater, stardust and the breath of Divinity. There are many factors that work together to help form whom we become, including genetics, our environment, and experiences. But we play a dynamic part in determining who we become!

There are nine powerful phases that influence whom we Become.

1. Belong

The first and foundational phase in the process of Becoming includes the realization that you Belong. When this concept is realized and internalized it propels a powerful first step of transformation. This idea creates an energy within us that is unstoppable. Once it locks into our mindset and creates a new pathway in our minds, it builds intense confidence in our spirit.

To determine that we belong here helps ground and root us in our purpose on Earth. If you did not belong here you would not be here. Out of gazillions of probabilities an egg and sperm met and you came into existence. Welcome powerful amazing Earthling! You Belong. You have beautiful work to do here on Earth.

Affirmation: “I belong on planet Earth.”

What is one thing you can do to help someone else realize they belong?

2. Believe

What I believe about myself dramatically affects what I Become. How I think about myself influences my transformation. Being selective about your perspective! The power of perspective lies in the fact that it often determines our reality. It creates a lens through which we see ourselves, others and the world.

How does this happen? Once I surrender to a specific perspective about myself I begin manifesting it.

Affirmation: “I believe in the dignity and worth of all human beings including myself.”

Do you need a fresh perspective of yourself? If so, how might you activate this?

3. Beside

Who is walking beside you? Who are your friends? With whom are you in relationship? These individuals will help determine who you become. Choosing your tribe is so very important. Choose “juicy friends.” These are people with whom you can sit down and have a delicious conversation. They have all kinds of juicy thoughts, juicy words, and sometimes, juicy world-changing ideas. They are the ones that feed us with inspiration and light.

We also have the friends that exhaust us. We know that if we answer a phone call from one of these friends we better plan to have a good hour to talk; and be ready to take a good nap afterwards. These friends enjoy speaking a monologue and ending their sentences with, “And...”. With these friends we must realize we are in their life at this time to minister to them. We are her/his juicy friend. One thing that is very important to recognize in friendships is the idea of honoring rhythm. We all have different rhythms and sometimes we are the juicy friend and sometimes we are the needy one. It just depends on the season in which we are.

Affirmation: “I will choose a powerful tribe to journey beside me.”

What juicy friend will you contact for a cup of tea?

4. Broken

The broken phase requires the shedding of old skin. For the caterpillar to begin transforming into a butterfly, its skin breaks and splits apart, molting to reveal new skin. There are five Instars, or stages, each including a molting of old skin. In brokenness we must surrender to the process of shedding, molting, releasing, and transformation.

In this phase we mourn our old selves. Our old self was comfortable and familiar. And very often it took a lot of hard work to get to the place where we are today. But like old skin, our self begins shedding whether we want it to or not. We continually change and enter the process of becoming by determining what the new self will be.

As we shed old skin we slip out of a layer of past hurts, sad thoughts and broken cycles. We lay them down like an old worn-out skin-coat. Every once in awhile we might try the old skin-coat on and remember our old self. But now it doesn’t fit well. It feels itchy, dirty and uncomfortable with lots of holes and dry scales.

We feel the physical pain in our hearts. It is broken in pieces. It aches. It longs for and feels sorrow when remembering the old self. You might feel like you won’t make it out of this step in the process of becoming. But you will.

Human resilience is powerful. Our bodies, made of salt water, are buoyant. And our spirits and emotions are too. Let yourself feel the brokenness and feel the healing; the deep diving and the glorious upward re-emerging.

Affirmation: “When I am broken I will surrender to healing in order to continue the process of Becoming.”

What healing techniques have you used when you were broken?

5. Bare

When we are broken our bare souls become vulnerable. We open ourselves up to criticism from others and more importantly to self-criticism. Most of the time we are harder on ourselves than others are on us. In order to compensate for the “never good enough” we try to engage in perfectionism, a worthy but ultimately failure-laden endeavor.

Just because you are vulnerable does not mean you are easy prey. Determine to use this phase as a time of stripping away beliefs and perspectives that no longer serve you. There is freedom in opening the gates of hell and letting yourself out. If you don’t have the strength or can’t find the keys, ask for help. During this phase you may find you will be the answer to someone else who is vulnerable.

Affirmation: “I will bare my soul in order to learn the amazing lessons of vulnerability and connection.”

How can you help someone feel less vulnerable?

6. Between

Who are you between seasons? Before you begin walking in a new life direction? During limbo? You know, that super fun time when we wander aimlessly, feeling lost and without purpose?

One way to tell if we are in the between stage is when we start feeling uncomfortable with where we are in life. This uncomfortable-ness might include our location, the people who we are with, and/or the work we are doing. It might even include a belief or emotion that no longer serves us. We are like a little bird that is getting too big for her nest. We’re not quite ready to fly into the sky but we are growing beyond the place in which we’ve been living.

In this phase we are not what we used to be but we are not yet what we will become. We are in the process of shifting identities. The between stage is vital as we gather and store energy for becoming something new.

Affirmation: “I realize that in the between phase I am in hibernation and entering a Sabbath.”

What is something fun and relaxing you can do to enjoy this phase of rest?

7. Before

The before phase includes accelerated preparation. When the caterpillar is in her final Instar and molting her last skin, she reveals her chrysalis. This is not a resting stage, not at all, for in the chrysalis the caterpillar begins growing wings.

She is preparing to fly.

The before phase can be the hardest part of the whole process for us because it requires determination, focus and fresh energy. This phase often includes learning new skills, creating powerful rituals, and sometimes even eating, exercising and sleeping in new ways. It demands a more refined excellence of spirit. Moving our schedules to make space for a quiet place where we can think, pray or create becomes necessary here. Sometimes it determines building boundaries to protect our time and our new presence of mind; even saying “no” to situations and thoughts that we have previously engaged in or allowed.

Affirmation: “I will embrace radical preparation in the before phase.”

What new concepts and skills do you need to acquire for becoming who you want to be in life?

8. Become

In this phase, similar to the butterfly, we emerge from ourselves. We Emerge From Ourselves! We break out of our own chrysalis, spread our wings, and fly. We rise from the ashes. We shine through the darkness. We enlighten ignorance.

We heal the broken. We bring hope where there is despair. We mend broken places. Heaven flows through us and helps us pull people out of their own hells. We are here! We have moved into a fresh powerful new identity!

This phase is not an end but a beginning, a fresh perspective on life, oneself and others. In this phase the student becomes a teacher. The apprentice becomes a master.

Affirmation: “I am Becoming!”

In one sentence how would you describe the person you would like to become?

9. Bask

Once we have unfolded our wings and become a new creation, it is time to celebrate, to enjoy, and bask in our new identity! The moment to enjoy this luscious, rough and rugged, deliciously wild and elegant ride we have been on is in this phase.

Sometimes when we’ve gone through this process our minds, bodies, and spirits are exhausted. We’ve stepped into this whole new light and we are like, “Oh my Lord, I’m tired!” We are similar to the butterfly that has gone through a metamorphosis from a caterpillar with lots of legs to a gorgeous being with wings.

We’ve broken our skin and we’ve turned ourselves inside out and emerged from ourselves!

It’s time to drink from flowers and fly!

Affirmation: “I will bask and enjoy my work of becoming.”

What luscious delights will you spoil yourself with to celebrate your work of becoming?


Sharenda Roam is an inspirina, artist, professor, and writer. She earned a D.Min. degree from George Fox University and an M.A. from Arizona State University. She is a full-time faculty member in the Religious Studies department at Glendale Community College in Arizona. Her travels have taken her to France, England, Italy, Switzerland, Ireland, South Korea, South Africa, Argentina, and a variety of other countries. She enjoys nature, art, music and songwriting. Her loves include her Creator, family, her husband Jeff, their darling daughter Isabeau, and fur baby pup Precious. She is deeply grateful for this experience of Life!

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