Most people seem to think that I've got it all together and that things are smooth sailing over here at Belong. Let me tell you a couple of things. Maybe it's time to set that straight.
I'd like to share a few things with you--a sort of behind the scenes of Belong.
1. Though thankfully breaking even, Belong is not rolling in the dough. /
If the magazine cannot acquire advertisers/sponsors to support it, I will not be able to continue. I will have to get a full time job which will not only take me away from Belong but also away from my family in the way that they are accustomed to. I've been blessed to work from home for the last three plus years, but that would have to change. (And to take it a step further, I don't want to do that. I'm scared of having to go get a new job!)
2. I do not get paid. /
And neither does anyone else. Our copy editor, blog coordinator and content manager are all offering their time as they believe in the mission of Belong and want to support it.
3. I'm terrified that Belong isn't going to make it. /
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to do the "ad sales" thing. And I'm afraid that I'm going to be the reason that Belong fails. If I can't be the right kind of person for "ad sales," I can't do Belong at all.
4. I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. /
This causes a whole layer of issues all on their own. It's paralyzing, suffocating. Most days, I don't want to get out of bed. It's a constant struggle to balance reality with the dread and fear and overwhelm. Even as I type, my hands are shaking and I feel on the verge of tears. I don't know what to do.
All combined, I feel like a hot mess, despite what everyone thinks.
My heart is to help women connect and to support them as they follow their dreams, but I just don't know if I've got what it takes. I just don't know.
I'm keeping at it. One step at a time. Just take the next step. That's a phrase that I repeat over and over in my head. Just take the next step. And then the next. And then the next. Each step moves me which is the best I can do right now. And that's ok.
Read more about #theimperfectboss campaign here.